This lovely photograph states: "If you don't believe in miracles, perhaps you've forgotten you are one ..." From notsalmon.com
I could have blamed my parents for the numerous negative feelings and emotions and hell that my childhood produced. Those emotions and destructive behavioral patterns plagued me throughout my teen years, even into young adult hood and beyond.
There is nothing so pure, so perfect, so unconditional and righteous on this Earth ... as a Mother's Love. No one can ever love you as your Mother does. Forever.
I continue to struggle with some of the issues that now blatantly obscure my insight and judgement at times still ... but that I have become much more aware of in the past 20-25 years or so; since my heart, mind, and Soul have opened and I have learned to take responsibility for my own happiness. I could have blamed my parents and I could have been the world's nastiest, most angry bitch! But I did not blame them, and I have not become the world's nastiest, most angry bitch.
Beauty and serenity are found within your Soul, within your Heart ...
Rather, I drank my dark secrets away for many years in my teenage years and early adulthood. I chose to leave a situation that I was extremely unhappy in, when I was in my early 20's, working as a nursing assistant for a mere $4.50/hour while supporting my two young children alone. My son was only 2 years old, my daughter an infant of 3 months old when I decided that I didn't want to raise them in a mutually abusive, negative situation any longer.
Nor did I want to remain miserable myself, just so my children could be raised in a two parent family. And because of the trust issues I already had with men pertaining to the incest and sexual abuse experienced in my childhood, I could not fathom raising my children with a man who was not their father, for fear they may suffer some abuse, as well. When I left my marriage, I did so with the idea that I would be raising my children alone, at least until they were a little older. I stayed out of relationships for 6 years following my divorce, until my youngest child was 7 years old. And then, I entered my first Lesbian relationship.
I was a young woman of only 23 years when I left my husband in May of 1985. Basically, I had absolutely no support, emotional or otherwise. My friends were all busy raising their own families. My mother and step-father were busy with their own lives, and shortly after I left my unhealthy marriage, they took my two youngest brothers and moved 3,000 miles away to Las Vegas. My siblings did not keep in touch, they had their own lives and were too busy for me and my children, for the most part.
Forge ahead no matter how difficult the road is ... we have many obstacles to overcome in Life, but if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other, we will survive!
I have always trusted that Something Greater had my world in very powerful hands ...
Life is difficult enough without having to put on a mask to pretend that you are happy in a dead end marriage 'for the sake of the children'. Thanks, but no thanks! Anyway, you never fool the children. Children are much more uncluttered and perceptive than adults ever could be! They know when their parents are unhappy.
Besides, I chose to become my more Authentic Self and I chose to do that on my own ... no matter what.
Blessings ~
Kathi xoxox
